I can hardly be called a fan of the Republican Party and normally would relish any form of misfortune that might be visited upon it. But the present state of the Grand Old Party is, well, not so grand; in fact, it’s in such a deplorable condition that it’s embarrassing even for Democrats.
Take a look at the leading major figures in the GOP at this time. They are: Mitch McConnell, the Senate Minority Leader who, according to Gail Collins of the Times, has “the natural charisma of an oyster” and often looks like he just swallowed a bad one; John Boehner, the Republican leader in the House, who, best known for his prowess around the tanning salon and his perennial tan, apparently aspires become the congressional version of George Hamilton; Bobby Jindal, Governor of Louisiana, who was given the impossible job of following President Obama’s speech to Congress and whose hapless retort proved beyond doubt that, at least for him, it was impossible; Rush Limbaugh, whose persona is about as ugly as that of Jeffrey Dahmer and who actually claims to be the “defacto” Party head; and, finally, Michael Steele, Chairman of the Republican Party.
Ah, Michael Steele. Now here’s a guy you could really feel sorry for — if he weren’t such an insufferable jerk. Let’s put it this way: Michael Steele is one of just a handful of black persons in the Republican Party, he’s tall and handsome, he dresses well, and his elocution is good — which is to say that, though what most of what he says is bullshit, he says it distinctly. As an example of the latter, Steele, who like most Republicans thinks the President’s stimulus package spends too much money (itself a non-sequitur), claims, rather loudly, that it’s impossible for government spending to create even a single job. “No, Sir,” he has said, “government spending may create work, but it cannot create jobs.” Excuse me? (He actually said this, many times.) And by the way, Michael’s also the guy who, in his speech at the Republican convention last summer gave us that mind-altering slogan, “Drill, baby, drill!” — As Rachel Maddow pointed out recently, Michael loves to use the word, “baby.”)
But poor Michael has other problems. Like paying his sister’s catering business, Brown Sugar Unlimited, $37,262 for services supposedly rendered during Steele’s unsuccessful run for the Senate in 2007; since his sister, once married to the former boxer Mike Tyson, dissolved her company before the payment, some think it’s doubtful the services were ever performed. Or paying more money ($64,000) to a friend’s firm for “political consulting” when the firm turned out to be in the business of trading commodities. Or transferring more than $500,000 in campaign funds without authorization, a claim made by Alan B. Fabian, Steele’s former finance chairman who, incidentally, was sentenced in October to nine years in prison for involvement in a $40 million fraud scheme, unrelated to his work on the Steele senatorial campaign. (These matters are currently being investigated by criminal prosecutors.)
But once on the job at Republican headquarters, Michael did his best to initiate a “change.” Yesssiree, he worked a change alright. Michael, it seems, fired everyone in the office, except for one guy who, apparently finding no one around the water cooler, quit. True. Rachel Maddow reported on March 6 that, except for Michael himself, there is no one working at the Republican Party Headquarters in Washington. It has no political director, no finance director, no communications director, no chief of staff. Just Michael.
So, how does Michael Steele keep busy? Well, for one thing, he’s been trying to do a Republican Party make-over by making it “cool” — that’s right, “cool.” To this end, claiming that “I’m always open to everything, baby, absolutely,” he promised the conservative Washington Times that under his tutelage the Party would come to stand for conservative principles applied “to urban-suburban hip-hop settings.” I don’t know about you, but here in Leelanau County, Michigan, where I’m from, though the citizenry usually votes overwhelmingly Republican (the recent presidential election being a notable exception), “hip-hop settings” are just damn hard to come by. The Republican Party is in dire need of a lot of things, but acquiring a “cool” image is rather far down the list. Maybe they can get Michael off the subject for a while by having the Party regulars all wear Republican baseball caps — with the bills turned backwards.
Michael’s also been busy recently getting into pissing matches with Rush Limbaugh over who’s heading up the Republican Party. In the course of this heady debate, Michael accused Rush of being “ugly and incendiary,” a “smear” for which he was forced to apologize and for which, in fact, he did apologize. Yep, he apologized to Rush for saying something nasty about him! Contrite as an altar boy, Michael said he didn’t mean to question the “leadership” of Rush, for whom he has “enormous respect,” but he’d just been a “bit inarticulate.” Classy guy, this Michael.
Finally, in the weird world of Republican politics, Michael Steele has been trying his best to be an enforcer of the idea that it’s bad for the country for states to accept stimulus funds. This is the reason that the Republican big guns in Congress have uniformly endorsed a “spending freeze,” saying there should be no spending through September, the end of the government’s fiscal year. Now you don’t have to be an expert in Keynesian fiscal policy to know that in a recession or a depression it’s critically necessary to stimulate demand, and that means that somebody out there has to begin buying stuff. We’ve got plenty of supply, as we know: just take a drive by your friendly auto dealer’s lot. But when average folks aren’t buying, then it’s only natural, and necessary, to look to the government to, well, spend; like get involved in public works projects. This is especially helpful when the country is also in need of public works — i.e., new and newly refurbished infrastructure. Need a new bridge, Minneapolis? In passing it should also be noted that in a recent survey 7,500 truckers were asked what they thought were the worst roads in America; they came up with a list of specific highways in six states and “all roads in Michigan, especially I-75 into Detroit.” Need better roads, Michigan?
Anyway, you’ll remember that President Obama was able to garner the necessary sixty votes in the Senate to pass his stimulus package with the help of three Republicans: Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins of Maine, and Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania, all of whom are very highly respected members of the Senate. Well, Michael recently went on record saying that as Party head he would not underwrite any of the re-election campaigns of any Republican member of Congress who voted against the Republican position on this issue. This prompted Senator Snowe to ask, “You don’t really mean that, do you, Mr. Steele?” Michael was quick to back down, and replied to the Senator that no he didn’t. But then, characteristically, the next day Michael repeated his threat to disenfranchise such insubordinate congresspersons. This bright move might just have been the proverbial last nail in the coffin for Michael.
Oh, there’s one Republican “leader” I forgot to mention: Newt Gingrich. Good ol’ Newt. Remember “Contract for America,” which was discreetly placed in the trash bin of history back in the mid-90s? Newt recently sent one of those trial balloons aloft saying something about running for president in 2012. (Just think of the Republican primary in three years: Newt v. Huck v. Milt v. Bobby J., etc., all orchestrated by Michael Steele. — Boggles the mind, doesn’t it?) In a sit-down interview before a speech the other night, Newt, in an unusually familial mood, told the Richmond Times-Dispatch: "Callista and I will look seriously and we'll probably get our family totally engaged, including our two grandchildren, probably in January, 2011." He added, “I see the Party heading for a wholly new generation” (whatever that meant).
I don’t know about Callista, who Newt married in 2000, but his grandchildren are surely part of a new generation. As for Newt himself, sounds like the old generation to me.
Take a look at the leading major figures in the GOP at this time. They are: Mitch McConnell, the Senate Minority Leader who, according to Gail Collins of the Times, has “the natural charisma of an oyster” and often looks like he just swallowed a bad one; John Boehner, the Republican leader in the House, who, best known for his prowess around the tanning salon and his perennial tan, apparently aspires become the congressional version of George Hamilton; Bobby Jindal, Governor of Louisiana, who was given the impossible job of following President Obama’s speech to Congress and whose hapless retort proved beyond doubt that, at least for him, it was impossible; Rush Limbaugh, whose persona is about as ugly as that of Jeffrey Dahmer and who actually claims to be the “defacto” Party head; and, finally, Michael Steele, Chairman of the Republican Party.
Ah, Michael Steele. Now here’s a guy you could really feel sorry for — if he weren’t such an insufferable jerk. Let’s put it this way: Michael Steele is one of just a handful of black persons in the Republican Party, he’s tall and handsome, he dresses well, and his elocution is good — which is to say that, though what most of what he says is bullshit, he says it distinctly. As an example of the latter, Steele, who like most Republicans thinks the President’s stimulus package spends too much money (itself a non-sequitur), claims, rather loudly, that it’s impossible for government spending to create even a single job. “No, Sir,” he has said, “government spending may create work, but it cannot create jobs.” Excuse me? (He actually said this, many times.) And by the way, Michael’s also the guy who, in his speech at the Republican convention last summer gave us that mind-altering slogan, “Drill, baby, drill!” — As Rachel Maddow pointed out recently, Michael loves to use the word, “baby.”)
But poor Michael has other problems. Like paying his sister’s catering business, Brown Sugar Unlimited, $37,262 for services supposedly rendered during Steele’s unsuccessful run for the Senate in 2007; since his sister, once married to the former boxer Mike Tyson, dissolved her company before the payment, some think it’s doubtful the services were ever performed. Or paying more money ($64,000) to a friend’s firm for “political consulting” when the firm turned out to be in the business of trading commodities. Or transferring more than $500,000 in campaign funds without authorization, a claim made by Alan B. Fabian, Steele’s former finance chairman who, incidentally, was sentenced in October to nine years in prison for involvement in a $40 million fraud scheme, unrelated to his work on the Steele senatorial campaign. (These matters are currently being investigated by criminal prosecutors.)
But once on the job at Republican headquarters, Michael did his best to initiate a “change.” Yesssiree, he worked a change alright. Michael, it seems, fired everyone in the office, except for one guy who, apparently finding no one around the water cooler, quit. True. Rachel Maddow reported on March 6 that, except for Michael himself, there is no one working at the Republican Party Headquarters in Washington. It has no political director, no finance director, no communications director, no chief of staff. Just Michael.
So, how does Michael Steele keep busy? Well, for one thing, he’s been trying to do a Republican Party make-over by making it “cool” — that’s right, “cool.” To this end, claiming that “I’m always open to everything, baby, absolutely,” he promised the conservative Washington Times that under his tutelage the Party would come to stand for conservative principles applied “to urban-suburban hip-hop settings.” I don’t know about you, but here in Leelanau County, Michigan, where I’m from, though the citizenry usually votes overwhelmingly Republican (the recent presidential election being a notable exception), “hip-hop settings” are just damn hard to come by. The Republican Party is in dire need of a lot of things, but acquiring a “cool” image is rather far down the list. Maybe they can get Michael off the subject for a while by having the Party regulars all wear Republican baseball caps — with the bills turned backwards.
Michael’s also been busy recently getting into pissing matches with Rush Limbaugh over who’s heading up the Republican Party. In the course of this heady debate, Michael accused Rush of being “ugly and incendiary,” a “smear” for which he was forced to apologize and for which, in fact, he did apologize. Yep, he apologized to Rush for saying something nasty about him! Contrite as an altar boy, Michael said he didn’t mean to question the “leadership” of Rush, for whom he has “enormous respect,” but he’d just been a “bit inarticulate.” Classy guy, this Michael.
Finally, in the weird world of Republican politics, Michael Steele has been trying his best to be an enforcer of the idea that it’s bad for the country for states to accept stimulus funds. This is the reason that the Republican big guns in Congress have uniformly endorsed a “spending freeze,” saying there should be no spending through September, the end of the government’s fiscal year. Now you don’t have to be an expert in Keynesian fiscal policy to know that in a recession or a depression it’s critically necessary to stimulate demand, and that means that somebody out there has to begin buying stuff. We’ve got plenty of supply, as we know: just take a drive by your friendly auto dealer’s lot. But when average folks aren’t buying, then it’s only natural, and necessary, to look to the government to, well, spend; like get involved in public works projects. This is especially helpful when the country is also in need of public works — i.e., new and newly refurbished infrastructure. Need a new bridge, Minneapolis? In passing it should also be noted that in a recent survey 7,500 truckers were asked what they thought were the worst roads in America; they came up with a list of specific highways in six states and “all roads in Michigan, especially I-75 into Detroit.” Need better roads, Michigan?
Anyway, you’ll remember that President Obama was able to garner the necessary sixty votes in the Senate to pass his stimulus package with the help of three Republicans: Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins of Maine, and Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania, all of whom are very highly respected members of the Senate. Well, Michael recently went on record saying that as Party head he would not underwrite any of the re-election campaigns of any Republican member of Congress who voted against the Republican position on this issue. This prompted Senator Snowe to ask, “You don’t really mean that, do you, Mr. Steele?” Michael was quick to back down, and replied to the Senator that no he didn’t. But then, characteristically, the next day Michael repeated his threat to disenfranchise such insubordinate congresspersons. This bright move might just have been the proverbial last nail in the coffin for Michael.
Oh, there’s one Republican “leader” I forgot to mention: Newt Gingrich. Good ol’ Newt. Remember “Contract for America,” which was discreetly placed in the trash bin of history back in the mid-90s? Newt recently sent one of those trial balloons aloft saying something about running for president in 2012. (Just think of the Republican primary in three years: Newt v. Huck v. Milt v. Bobby J., etc., all orchestrated by Michael Steele. — Boggles the mind, doesn’t it?) In a sit-down interview before a speech the other night, Newt, in an unusually familial mood, told the Richmond Times-Dispatch: "Callista and I will look seriously and we'll probably get our family totally engaged, including our two grandchildren, probably in January, 2011." He added, “I see the Party heading for a wholly new generation” (whatever that meant).
I don’t know about Callista, who Newt married in 2000, but his grandchildren are surely part of a new generation. As for Newt himself, sounds like the old generation to me.
4 comments:
This comment is a test. - Steve
3/8/09 8:50 pm
Steve
Thanks for making all of this available to us in an easy-to-use format.
/d
This test is a comment. Good going! Have fun with the new blog.
I hope the media talks about something other than Rush this week.
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